Married Alone (Attitude)

In the previous post we discussed the danger of one or more partner in marriage feeling alone. When someone feels as if they have been left to fend for themselves, to do all the necessary work, or to clean up the mess it will change one spouses’ opinion of the other. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” When there is a good attitude within the marriage that attitude serves to foster and nurture the marriage through almost any trial of life. Here is an example in microcosm. The three year old spills milk, as three year olds are prone to do. But instead of the wife responding alone, the husband also jumps up instinctively to help with the mess. Such movement comes from attitude and understanding a key component in marriage, that of covenant partnership; of simply helping one another to subdue. If a husband is instinctive about spilled milk he will foster in his wife a joyful heart. There will be other spills, more cataclysmic ones, and she will know that in the fire she will not be abandoned. "A joyful heart is good medicine."

What about the other side of the coin? She cleans up all the spills. Or, he feels as if he is alone in monitoring the finances, trying to keep the family afloat. She is constantly at her mother’s house. He is constantly on the computer. The two are alone, but even more dangerous their attitudes toward one another will begin to change. Their spirit is crushed and their bones begin to dry up. Love fades. The perception becomes that you are no longer married to your partner, but to your saboteur. “He doesn’t care.” “She can’t handle money.” “He is lazy.” “She is a nag.” “He is self-absorbed.” “She doesn’t respect me.” Those attitudes permeate the marriage and begin to change the tone of every conversation, chore, and mundane moment. If “she can’t handle money,” then her simply ordering an appetizer at Applebees looks to him as if it is an act of conspiracy. Cheese sticks become just one more blatant move to test his patience. Not only is she inept at handling the check book, but she is careless with her own health. If she wouldn’t nag him so much but take a look in the mirror every once in awhile maybe she would order more celery and less cheese - cheese sticks are not longer cheese sticks, but dynamite. But he doesn’t care about the kids, or her, or that she is hungry. If he took even a minute of interest in her or the family he would know she had a coupon and that she hadn’t eaten a bite since breakfast. Even that bite was the corner of a mutilated, slobbered on pop tart that the baby gummed. She deserves cheese sticks and diamonds but he is too much of a moron to know the difference between the two. “A crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

It is not good for man to be alone. When man is alone his joy will steadily disintegrate. If you want a better attitude in your marriage, get together, renew the partnership. Husband and wife, together, rush toward spilled milk. And by the way, enjoy a plate of cheese sticks!

To be continued